So...I am inspired to share some of my experiences with the Bush Foundation. I can honestly say they have been life-altering. My growth has been accelerated in ways I couldn't have imagined. I had been seeking shifts in my life for years, focusing intentionally on how. Then, suddenly, it seems that they began to arrive and were landing in my lap, so to speak. Whoah! Kerplop! Schunk!
I didn't realize it would be so freeing. Letting go. AND- so challenging. Stepping into the river of change. Change involves re-structuring and re-inventing and a lot of discomfort and breathing DEEP.
Becoming this new version of myself has been serious work, and definitely involved the normal growing pains of coming undone. Only to be woven back together, hopefully, better. I do feel lighter, stronger and somehow, more, ME. I hope it is a more graceful version too, do tell me what you think, my friends.
These changes involved a trail of suggestion, listening to my intuition and jumping into FEAR only to realize it was exactly what I needed and who I am. Living my passions and listening to my soul is scary because I’ve been holding it in, tamping it down and restraining myself for so long because I FEARED I was too much, not enough or some other inadequacy that would surely prevent me from being, ME.
The changes also involved new people, those who were making the suggestions and those who appeared, magically out of nowhere to become my greatest cheerleaders, and new friends of great value.
The momentum began to shift for me when I applied for a call for artists. I met an incredible person who said, you should apply for this cohort. So, I did. Then, I thought, ok, I did. I probably won’t get it. Then, there was the interview, that I teared up during and was freezing in because of the highly air-conditioned room I took the conference call in, just after I taught a yoga class. I think that was one of the best scheduling choices I could’ve made looking back. However, in the overly active negative, critiquing, protective, left brain of my mind, I was sure, I failed. It was difficult to decipher them via online interaction and through their poise. It was positive and they were kind, but so well controlled in their skills of interview. They could both be FBI, I thought. Disarming with kindness and down to earth personalities, I felt I could talk with them all day. Yet the steady and controlled, there was no clear read one way or another on their thoughts about me. I cried again later that day for sure of the loss. Then, I got the invitation. I read the email, took a DEEP breath, stood up, went into the bathroom and cried with relief and a sensation that could only be described as JOY. Letting go takes time, and tears are part of that process. I was peeling myself back and letting go of an old way. It was happening, every day and this was a a HUGE piece of that.
So, I let my administration know, that indeed, I was part of the cohort as when I interviews with them, I knew it was possible. They were happy for me and assured me the requirements for the cohort would be supported. They were by my administration, but not by my peers. That was also a challenge, but may be for a later post. So, I moved on a Friday, literally, the hottest day of the summer last year, unpacked my entire house to have some semblance of calm in my life and began in a new job on Monday, just days later. It was intense, the shifts, all of them.
I went to ND for my first convening and began to realize the intentional group I had become part of. I could fully sense that every event with the Change Network has been created with such clear purpose, to the smallest details. I like that, a lot. I’m drawn to minutia done with great aesthetics and intention. I believe details will make or break something. Its been interesting to be in the midst of a sort of social experiment as well. I mentioned that to my mom, Dee.
She said, "That is life."
I replied, "Yeah, but this is different."
I told a friend of mine who was nervous about traveling to Germany the first time that when he got there to make sure to find and create a circle of 'family'. To remember that its all like that, no matter where we go, there we have our people, the ones we find and make family.
In Lakota, there is a ceremony, when we make relatives, they become a hunka relative. I've been blessed to have many friends in my life become family. This experience, I believe offers this. I like that, too. Anyway, it is very intriguing and worth a good ponder or a few, which I have done and still do, often.
Also, there have been times when I am in a session, interaction, event, strategic process, etc. and feel as though I am outside of myself viewing the events as they unfold, sometimes even seeing what will come to pass waaaayyyyy before it does. I've always had that intuitive ability and a premonition of sorts. Some people think I am odd that way, others say I’m unique. I prefer that description, because I am and have been embracing it. I know things, feel them, the subtleties speak to me and I see patterns that exist and those that are emerging. It could also be a phenomenon occurring with more experience(read: age, HA!). Often, people have asked me how I knew something was going to happen and my answer is always, “I just did.” There isn’t really a way to explain this if someone doesn’t have it too, its odd. Its unique.
The thoughtfulness in the planning and supports that have been put in place in addition to resources, I believe are imperative. People who are supported, thrive.
After being held so gently, yet with subtle pushes when necessary, having an invitation to these spaces we've occupied together with kindness, thoughtfulness and true, deep compassion is meaningful. Much like a baby bird gaining its confidence and being nudged out of its nest and into flight. I am beginning to recognize the connections emerging to dreamers and doers, people who are present, step up, speak out, quietly or NOT so quietly, teachers, content-creators and change-makers are becoming my friends. They show new ways of seeing and being and I am again hopeful for humanity.
We are in the becoming of a fully loving paradigm shift with that heaven on earth vibe.
AND Eeesh, my heart is full.
